Wow, what a statement, confidence in healing. How can we get confidence in healing, you might ask. What are you even talking about?
I have asked for healing for way too many things. Some of my prayers get answered, and some do not. Why does God answer some prayers and not others? It is such a hard question to answer, but I think Catherine and I have come to a pretty good conclusion.
A little over a decade ago, I got hurt in the Air Force. I was overseas and not near regular medical facilities. I knew something was wrong with my shoulder, but the medic I saw insisted that it was just a pulled muscle and that I just needed to tough it out and not do certain movements.
I prayed and prayed for God to heal my shoulder. I was the only woman in my squadron at the time that alone was a pretty lonely place, but now on top of that, I was in pain every moment of every day. Quite plainly, it sucked. I continued to pray, and it continued to hurt. I felt like a failure in so many ways because I was having a hard time lifting anything and everything. I couldn’t reach my arm around my back for the first time. Which might not be a big deal for a guy, but girls who have um, I’ll just say it, bras that is not an easy thing to do. I couldn’t do pushups for the first time because of the pain. Most of the men I worked with believed I was trying to get out of work, which is typically not my style.
The doctor did not believe me, and because he didn’t believe me, none of the people I worked with did either. It was a lonely time. So far from home, far from anyone who loved me, far from medical care that I got to choose. At this time, I got really close to God. I also got angry with God. I tried to trust him, but I was either hot or cold in my temper with God. I wrestle with trying to understand why my pain would not heal, why a pulled muscle would turn me into such a wimp.
Six months after the time I hurt my shoulder, it felt no better, but I was able to deal with it better. Finally, my tour was over, and I was going back stateside. At this time, my emotions were everywhere. This had been my fifth tour overseas, and my worst. I love my country, and I love the military. I felt that even though I did my job, I did not go above and beyond because I let pain hold me back.
Thankfully when I got back, I went straight to a doctor. He looked at my record and said well, it says here you have a pulled muscle, but let us get an MRI. Come to find out I had a torn muscle, and I had dislocated two of the bones in my shoulder, along with a bone spur and a bunch of scar tissue. Long story short, I finally understood why I was in so much pain and went in for immediate surgery.
After the surgery, the doctor came into my parents and me and told us that he “fixed all I could, but given the time from injury to surgery, and how extensive the damage. It would be best if you started thinking about a career outside of the military. Because your shoulder and neck would never again be up to military standards.”
Talk about a kick to the stomach! I finally felt vindicated because it wasn’t a pulled muscle, but that vindication was going to lead to the end of a tremendous ten-year career in the military. I had dreams of staying in and climbing the ranks in record time. I had loved it so far and had been getting “good jobs” and “atta boys” I was able to get promoted as soon as I was eligible. I loved the military more than anything in my life. Right there inlay the problem – I loved the military at that time even more than my God.
That injury I still feel to this day. I’ve had surgery since then also to fix my spine, which was injured at the same time. Forever my body will remind me of this event. Forever this pain reminds me to keep God first in all things.
See, God had a plan, and it didn’t end at the military. I married my husband after I retired from the military, got to help raise my stepdaughter and our four younger kids. I got to find my true identity in Jesus.
See, though, my God didn’t heal my flesh. He repaired my spirit, which I didn’t even know was broken at the time.
God had a plan, far better than mine. He knew what healing I truly needed and what it was going to take to save my soul.
Now I’m not saying that all pain is because of that. Mine was, and the bible says God uses all things for His Goodness and His glory. So friend, in your pain or a loved one’s suffering, look around, don’t go through the pain in vain. See what good can come out of it. See what souls you can touch or help because of the struggle your in.
Have confidence in your God that this pain and healing will come on this side of heaven or the next, but wherever it happens, use it for good. Use the pain for the glory of God. In looking for Gods, mercy in the pain will come the healing.